Climbing Out Of A Dark Well

When I did my weekly 5-card reading and the counsel from the Oracle in the hidden influences was: seek the truth in the darkest places within yourself, I wondered what I was in D.E.N.I.A.L (Didn’t Even kNow I wAs Lying) about.

Up until that point I believed that I was being honest with myself, that I was not happy staying at my mother’s place since I returned from England. It was supposed to be temporary my expiry date had come and gone yet I still hadn’t received guidance to move forward.

Ask the right questions

For 4 months I’ve felt stuck and unable to shine light on my current situation. On the map of consciousness I was resonating in (Apathy) and reverted to being a victim, feeling helpless.

When I realized my EGO the wounded little girl in me was in charge I gave her a voice and learned that she didn’t feel safe and secure.

I understood the reason she was resisting reality, she wanted things to be different than it actually was! Each time I attempted to ease her fears, it brought some relief, however she spoke loud and clear through my body.

Upset stomach and lethargy was depleting my energy—being an empath, I absorbed my mother’s toxic energy, she is an alcoholic. Unable to alleviate the physical and emotional distress I opened my Akashic Records and asked a series of questions:

“What are my next right steps?” Listen.

“What am I not seeing?” You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

“Seriously!” I said in frustration.

Momentarily pausing to collect myself I then asked. “Why would I put myself in a toxic situation?” Familiar comes from the word family, it’s easy to go back to what we know.

Nothing is ever as it seems

After closing my Akashic records I pondered on the insights I received and I had a breakthrough!

My wounded little girl repeated this pattern for the third time by moving back in with my mother because of unfinished business. I wanted my mother to protect me from her son who abused me.

The other story I discovered is when I became aware of my mother’s drinking problem I’ve been trying to rescue her.

Knowledge is power

I concluded that the relationship is still co-dependent and it has served its purpose—the story protected me from getting hurt and disappointed, but it no longer does.

Then I got excited because with this awareness I could do something about removing the self-imposed obstacle hindering my path.

On my walk the following morning I was guided to let go of the story by forgiving my mother for burdening me and to my wounded little girl for sabotaging my efforts.

I was also guided to do an Archangel Raphael meditation to release the power struggle between my mother and me.

From fear and separation to love and compassion

After a series of letters I resonated at the highest level on the map of consciousness in (Joy) and my relationship with my mother shifted, she no longer expertly reflected my expectations—of being taken care of, loved and valued.

Death and rebirth

By burying my story of hiding in fear and playing small I was able to give birth to the new life I had been anticipating.

Once again I opened my Akashic records and asked. “What are my next right steps?” Be still.

Then I sat in contemplation until I received my next right step, to search for a one-bedroom apartment. Initially I dismissed it because it wasn’t what I expected! My wounded little girl didn’t think it made logical sense and after I gave her a voice, I gained clarity of the bigger vision.

This grounded me in the present moment and I was able to focus on the task at hand. Before I began my search I contemplated on the type of apartment I would like to live in.

Once I got clear with my decision I was filled with excitement and I then viewed two apartments. However, I was disappointed, the process felt forced and I was once again guided to sit in contemplation. The insight I received was:

Finding a place is not going to happen the way I “think.”

God’s rejection is God’s protection. He has something better!

I was reminded of my belief that rebuilding my life is from a place of love not fear, which is the reason I destroyed my old life. It wasn’t built on solid foundation.

I am co-creating with God and this way of life is magical.

Prior to the 5-card reading’s counsel I had prayed: Dear God, if you want me to do this work, please find me a place to live.

The art of doing nothing 

While I waited I visualized my new place, incorporated positive affirmations and embodied the feeling of (Joy) based on what I saw in my minds eye as well as expressed gratitude for having what I desired.

My directives from my spirit guides were to: just be and allow.

Admittedly at times this was challenging. While I waited I surrendered, I let go of fears, anxieties, and worries by giving my inner child a voice via numerous dialogues until I felt at peace.

I also sat in stillness and continued to do what I love—write my book, provide readings and coaching to clients.

Staying open

Within 6 days the answer arrived! To my amazement my best friend texted me and asked, would I be open to subletting her one-bedroom apartment. I said yes, it met my requirements I had outlined in my journal and it was even better than I had been imagining.

After a series of text messages and a dinner to discuss the details, the process took a few weeks to finalize. At the beginning of the New Year I will be in my new apartment, starting over.

I want to hear from you!

When things don’t go the way you expect, do you give up and remain stuck in your circumstances because you cannot see that you have other options?

Do you try to control or force things to go your way because you’re afraid of all the reasons why things are not going to work out?